Being a Military Spouse is hard.
Being a Military Spouse AND a Mom is draining.
Following the events that happened in Ottawa that happened yesterday morning I wanted to write a blog post about what it is like to be a Military Spouse, before and after having our Son. No I am not going to write about what I think about the whole situation from yesterday; it was extremely unfortunate and my heart hurts now... that is all.
Michael and I started dating when we were both 19 years old and I had just come out of a rough relationship with my ex, as well as he had with his ex. We couldn't have met each other at a more perfect time or hit it off even better than we did; we had an instant connection. After about two weeks of hanging out, talking, and getting to know each other Mike officially asked me out; it's been 6 years since that day.
At first I was brand new to the Military Girlfriend "scene" and had a lot to learn; we were also both scared that the other would leave us if Mike went away on training, etc. I had just come out of a relationship where I was cheated on multiple times, and Michael had just come out of a relationship where the girl left him while he was on the other side of the Country for a month, he was also cheated on by her.
So yeah, we were both broken at that point... but that's ok, because we were going to put each other back together.
2 months after we started dating Mike went away for the first long amount of time... for a month on exercise. It felt like a year to me since I had never done this before! Once Mike got home our friend Neil and I met up with Michael at a Starbucks in town right after Mike got back in to town. It was so awkward and was like we were meeting each other again for the first time! I had major butterflies and I just didn't know what to say or do.
I can say I still get that feeling 6 years later when Mike gets home after being away. I hope that feeling continues to happen forever.
A couple of months after we celebrated our 1 year anniversary Michael deployed to Afghanistan for a 7 month tour of duty. I was a wreck. We would go 3 weeks, even a month at time, without talking to each other at all and then when we did talk we'd have a 15 minute satellite phone conversation where it was just guaranteed to cut out before we were able to say goodbye. It was horrible. Every single day I cried when I went to bed; every single day I worried that he wouldn't make it home.
But he did.
7 months later I was waiting at the airport with Mike's Mom, Step Mom, and Sister. I was SO nervous and the butterflies in my stomach were making me feel like I was going to be sick. I didn't know what I was going to say or do when he showed up; I didn't know if I would know him anymore.
I was shaking and felt sick and it felt like an eternity for his plane to offload, and of course he was one of the last people to leave the plane.
The second that Mike walked off that plane and I saw him it was like nothing else mattered. I don't remember anything except that my butterflies were gone in that instant and all I felt was extreme joy and happiness and relief and love! I just wanted to hug him and never let him go.
THAT is what makes this all worth it.... is that feeling.
Being a "single Mom" while Michael is away, for a week or months at a time, is all worth it even though it may be the hardest thing in the world. The love you feel when you see your Soldier after any sort of separation is what makes ALL of this worth it.
People that ask us how we do it, or why we are with someone that is away all of the time, must not understand love. If they did, they wouldn't ask those questions.
Even though I sometimes want to give up this lifestyle, like now, I know that once we do I'll miss it. I'll miss the understanding that comes along with talking to another Spouse that has been through what you have.... "civilian" couples just don't understand. I will miss the camaraderie that I see in Michael and his co-workers. I will miss that uniform. ;)
I will always be thankful that this journey with the Military in our lives has made us so much stronger as a couple and as a family. We have something that most people can only dream of and I know that we can do anything after doing this!
~Kayla
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